End of the Road ( College Edition)

I feel like everything is on my shoulders and Im tired of being stressed out. Its the end of college for me and I have no idea what next's for me and I have no seriously good plans. I feel like im about to jump out of a plane with no safety gear. Everyday its a new problem. 

1. Right now its Ty with no job leaving me to take care of him. I don't want to take of a man, I want a man to take care of me. That sounds selfish but I can't afford me and him. Im barely getting by myself. I just want him to make logical decisions and stop fucking up my life. I can do that all by myself. I just want to be left alone and not be in a relationship anymore. It has be the source of all stress lately. everything about him disgusts me, i don't want to have sex with him, because he can't fuck to save his life, his breath stank, and he is truly the most annoying individual in my life at the moment. Maybe im saying this because im just done with this relationship. But i can't break up with him because im his meal ticket in buffalo. If i dont shit, he doesn't eat.I dont want to hurt him or make him cry. but im so done with him, everything about him can go in the trash as far as im concerned. Bye HOE
2. I hate my body. But i love my body. I just want to be healthy. I dont think my body is healthy but it will be with hard work. something is scaring me and I don't know what it is.I want to be healthy but my fear is holding me back. What im afraid of . Im scared of the hard work it will take and Im scared that i won't lose any weight. Im scared that i will ugly for the rest of life. IM SCARED THAT I WILL DIE YOUNG BECAUSE I FUCKED MYSELF UP. Im scared that i will end up quitting like i do everything else in my life. Im so tired of quitting of being a quitter and of being so afraid of failure.Fuck you failure. I don't understand this fear just takes over everything in my life and I dont understand. Im tired of being afraid. I declare that I will lose 45 pounds by May 14 2016