End of the Road ( College Edition)

I feel like everything is on my shoulders and Im tired of being stressed out. Its the end of college for me and I have no idea what next's for me and I have no seriously good plans. I feel like im about to jump out of a plane with no safety gear. Everyday its a new problem. 

1. Right now its Ty with no job leaving me to take care of him. I don't want to take of a man, I want a man to take care of me. That sounds selfish but I can't afford me and him. Im barely getting by myself. I just want him to make logical decisions and stop fucking up my life. I can do that all by myself. I just want to be left alone and not be in a relationship anymore. It has be the source of all stress lately. everything about him disgusts me, i don't want to have sex with him, because he can't fuck to save his life, his breath stank, and he is truly the most annoying individual in my life at the moment. Maybe im saying this because im just done with this relationship. But i can't break up with him because im his meal ticket in buffalo. If i dont shit, he doesn't eat.I dont want to hurt him or make him cry. but im so done with him, everything about him can go in the trash as far as im concerned. Bye HOE
2. I hate my body. But i love my body. I just want to be healthy. I dont think my body is healthy but it will be with hard work. something is scaring me and I don't know what it is.I want to be healthy but my fear is holding me back. What im afraid of . Im scared of the hard work it will take and Im scared that i won't lose any weight. Im scared that i will ugly for the rest of life. IM SCARED THAT I WILL DIE YOUNG BECAUSE I FUCKED MYSELF UP. Im scared that i will end up quitting like i do everything else in my life. Im so tired of quitting of being a quitter and of being so afraid of failure.Fuck you failure. I don't understand this fear just takes over everything in my life and I dont understand. Im tired of being afraid. I declare that I will lose 45 pounds by May 14 2016

1

Like seriously so confused right now ..major headache.. I want to be a Christian  but fear is holding me from loving and accepting god into my life. I did it before but for some reason I kept slipping back into my old life of being sinful and now I'm in love with a guy who unsure of being a full blooded Christian  I want to run away and start a new life where no one knows me .. I have no one who knows of  my evil ways...but maybe that's  bad  and god wants me to figure out how to trust him and lose all my hair in the process ...but I have been hurt some many times , I don't know who to trust and  who not to ......

Your love

Your love is like wind on a hot balmy day

it's soothes me and makes me forget
the days when I was parched for love

your touch is like a gentle caress on my skin
your voice is like music 

I THINK IT"S SO FUNNY HOW LIFE IS SO GOOD AND BAD AT THE SAME TIME
I DON' T THINK HAPPINESS IS MEANT FOR EVERYONE .LIKE REALLY WHO WANTS TO BE HAPPY ALL THE DAMN TIME .A DAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE FULL OF DIFFERENT EMOTIONS,WHETHER PAIN OR JOY.LOVE OR HATE . I WOULD TOTALLY WRITE A BOOK CALLED 365 DAYS OF COMPLETE UTTER EPIC FAILURES .THAT WAS MY LIFE STORY .BUT IM A  NEW PERSON , I HAVE DEVELOPED INTO  THIS HAS A HARDER AND TALLER WALL ,DEFENSE WALL.I WANT TO MARRY A DRUG DEALER . WHY ,YOU ASK ? BECAUSE I WANT TO DISAPPOINT MY FAMILY, JUST SO THEY CAN LEAVE ME ALONE. WE ARE SO A FUCKING FAKE HAPPY WITH SO MANY DAMN CRACKS IN THE SURFACE. ( THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE )TYPE OF THING.I HAVE THIS NEW YORK ATTITUDE.ALL I WANT HIS MY DRUG DEALER.SOME ONE FIRM , BUT SECRETLY LOVING.NOT WITH PDA ALL THE DAMN TIME .I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH YOUR SWEATY HANDS. LIKE DUDE GET IT TOGETHER. SOME ONE WHO RUNS THEIR HOUSE, NOT AROUND IT . THE FUNNY PART OF THIS IS THAT I DON'T REALLY WANT TO MARRY THIS PERSON.CAUSE MY BITCH ASS STILL WANTS TO PLEASE HER FAMILY.LIKE CAN YOU BELIEVE ME ?????? I DON'T BELIEVE ME !!!!!!!! I HAD THIS PERFECT GUY NAMED STEVE.NO HE WASN'T A DRUG DEALER . HE WORKED IN A SHOE STORE. THAT WAS LAST TIME I REMEMBER BEING REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HAPPY. I MEAN I WAS SMILING UNAWARE . THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME , I FEEL BAD SMILING WHEN MY LIFE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY CRAPPY IN REAL LIFE. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL YOU TO SMILE WHEN YOU ARE NOT SMILING.BUT I AM BACK TO BEGINNING , WHO THE HELL WANTS TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME. THE ANSWER IS ME AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE ( I GUESS )BUT YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME UNLESS YOU ARE PERFECT .QUESTION : WHAT THE FUCK IS PERFECTION ????? PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS

PASSION

He moans when i ride him
his hot slick skin rubs against mine
our hearts beat together in a rhythm as old as man
my fingers scratch his back as if I'm digging in his soul
he use his length to bring me pleasure only a woman could understand
so as he pound his essence in my soul
i will go higher and higher as i touch the heavens

hello

hellos are hard,
You don't know what to say,
You would look at me,
But I'd look the other way.

I blushed every time I saw you,
You talked to me every day,
You smiled, and you laughed,
But once again I looked away,

Finally one day,
You talked to me once more,
And finally I got the courage,
to say hi and not ignore.

From that point on,
We were together every day

so on this blessed day

we call valentine's day

i thanked the day you said hello

LONELY

sometimes it better to be lonely then love somebody
cause being lonely will not give you heartache
it will protect your heart from everything that could hurt you
being in love is the most wonderfully and devastating thing i will ever know
as i write this these tear drops fall on my keyboard

cause i still don't know which one you are gonna end up to be you can break my heart in a million little pieces or make it bigger and stronger that why im so scared of how perfect we fitted each other
cause nothing has ever went right for me
here you come in my life like a beam of sunshine
i rather be scared shitless with you or be lonely without you